August 4, 2025
By Liz Cabrera
“In today’s world, we’re quick to label distress as a mental illness. As a contributor to Mad in America wrote, “Sadness becomes depression, anxiety becomes an anxiety disorder, and an inability to focus is called ADHD. This framework, while sometimes useful, often ignores a crucial truth: what we call “psychopathology” may simply be a sane and normal response to an insane system.” – Mad in America
I’ve learned this firsthand, as a professional, a mother, and an immigrant navigating the relentless demands of modern life.
Our society has been conditioned to believe that an “ideal” life means a loving spouse, a nice home, a good job, and two beautiful children. By those standards, I should be hitting myself on the chest with stones for being ungrateful. I am a 45-year-old educated professional, a wife to a successful husband, a mother to both a neurotypical daughter and a nonverbal neurodivergent son. I am also the only child of my aging mother, while my husband does the same for his parents. By all accounts, I have the ideal life. And yet, I am exhausted, anxious, and feel as if my body is breaking under the weight of it all.
This exhaustion is not an individual failing; it is a predictable and rational response to an unsustainable system.
A Mother’s Paradox: The Unattainable Standard
To be a “fit parent” today is to be a modern-day superhero. We are expected to be a leader, teacher, cook, doctor, chauffeur, personal assistant, and punching bag all at once. At work, we’re expected to perform with the same capacity as colleagues who may not have similar responsibilities at home. At the same time, society punishes parents for “neglect” if we leave our children unattended, yet pushes back when we ask for the help we need to stay in the workforce and provide for our families.
This is the paradox: we’re told to be everything to everyone, but we’re given no real support to do so. We’re left to “fake it till we make it,” escaping our feelings through work, endless scrolling, or other distractions. We are expected to shoulder the immense emotional and physical load of parenting, caregiving, and professional life, all while pretending it’s easy. We are told to be silent about our struggle because everyone else is in a similar, or worse, situation. The shame is real.
My personal story is a testament to this struggle. A simple afternoon with my children illustrates the invisible labor required to raise them. Washing hands, warming up food, cleaning up messes, and helping with bowel movements—these are not just tasks; they are a constant, unending series of small actions that take up my time, energy, and mental space. My daughter looks at me and says, “Mommy, I want to be with you,” and in that moment, I know that being present for my kids and my aging mother is my priority. This is the reality for countless professional parents, especially mothers.
The Community We’ve Lost
My own childhood in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic, was rich with community. I grew up surrounded by a vibrant web of caring adults, a large extended family, and peers who provided a constant sense of belonging and collective responsibility. Life was not as isolated; we lived in a society that, by its nature, fostered strong social bonds.
Today, my children’s experience in the United States is vastly different. Despite my best efforts, their relationships are often scheduled, fragmented, and confined to the hours of organized activities. This is not a failure of love or effort on my part; it is a symptom of a system that makes community building a monumental challenge. The psychological burden of this isolation is immense.
This isolation is a key factor in the rising rates of what we call mental illness. When we lose our communal support systems, we are left to face the stressors of a fast-paced, hyper-individualistic society alone. Our society has become an over-stimulating environment that creates a perfect storm of stress. For a parent, this constant pressure and lack of a village can lead to burnout, which is then often pathologized as a disorder rather than a normal response to an unsustainable lifestyle.
Reclaiming Sanity
This is not to say that all mental health conditions are purely systemic, but we must reframe the conversation. We have to stop blaming individuals for struggling and start looking at the systems that are failing them.
My journey has led me to a simple, yet profoundly difficult, conclusion: I must become ruthless with my time and energy. It is my responsibility to prioritize what is best for me and my children, which means cutting away the excess that drains my energy. It means challenging the cultural and societal expectations that demand a constant state of busyness and sacrifice.
I know I don’t stand alone. There are countless others out there suffering in silence, feeling overwhelmed and guilty for not being able to “do it all.” My hope is that by sharing my story, I can inspire, inform, and create a sense of community with others who see themselves reflected in these struggles. We must advocate for systemic changes that better support working parents and, in doing so, begin to build a more compassionate and understanding society.
Pro Mosaico Humano 
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