Unpaid Labor

July 31, 2025

By: Liz Cabrera

Hi all, 

I’ve been going through a major shift in my beliefs and the way I make decisions. As old certainties fall away, much like the Tower card in the Tarot deck, my own identity is shifting. I’m becoming someone I don’t fully know yet, and it’s mostly because of my kids.

The other afternoon, with some free time on my hands, I naturally spent it with my two young children. A simple moment perfectly captured my new reality. My father-in-law brought my son, Iliya, in from outside. Iliya immediately darted for the couch, but I instinctively redirected him. “We wash our hands when we come inside,” I said, launching into a familiar song to coax him to the kitchen sink. I lifted his chubby arms, turned on the water, and guided him through the routine I’ve taught him countless times: “This is the way we wash our hands…”

Afterward, Iliya spotted his sister’s leftover chicken and rice. He walked over to the table and began eating with his freshly washed hands. I noticed and intervened, offering to warm it up. While I put the bowl in the microwave, he ran off to play. A few minutes later, he was back in the kitchen, happily eating his now-warm meal while his sister chatted away beside me. Within a few more minutes, he was done, and it was time for me to clean up the scattered rice and grease—and, of course, wash his hands again.

Then came the tell-tale sign of a bowel movement—the squat, the facial expression. The whole ritual began anew: upstairs for a shower and a change.

The point of all this is that these caregiving activities have become the priority in my world. I see how my daughter, Elise, looks up to me for answers. She clings to my side, literally saying, “Mommy, I want to be with you.” Right now, my priorities are to show up for my family, my aging mother, and myself. They are the lifeline that keeps me going.

This new perspective has made me reflect on a paradox. Society punishes parents for neglect if they leave their children unattended, yet it often pushes back when working parents ask for the help they need to both parent and be active in the labor force. As women professionals, we fought for our careers because we want to feel productive and have our voices and ideas valued. But at the same time, nature and societal expectations place the protective instincts of a “fit parent” squarely on the mother. 

We’re expected to be role models, teacher, friend, cook, driver, doctor, and entertainer—all while performing in the workplace with the same capacity as those without children.

So, where does the responsibility truly fall? Is raising conscientious adults solely an individual’s duty? Or is it a societal responsibility, given that everyone benefits from social talent and innovation, and everyone suffers when people are hurt and commit hurtful acts?

I don’t have the answers, but I invite people to reflect on these questions. My hope is that the scales of balance will one day tip more toward the center, and women can feel less overwhelmed and burdened.

Seriously.