When Hanging In There is Not Cutting It

May 27, 2025

By: Liz Cabrera

Hi everyone,

I’ve been reflecting a lot recently on the challenges of being a working parent in the United States and how systemic barriers, rather than support, often exacerbate the stress faced by parents who simply want to build fulfilling lives and raise their children in peace.

It makes me wonder why achieving this feels so difficult and what exactly those underlying barriers are.

As a relatively successful, educated professional in her 40s, married to a spouse who holds similar values, I often find myself overwhelmed. My husband also carries the significant responsibility of caring for his first-generation Iranian parents who have limited English proficiency and rely heavily on him.

I, too, am the only child of an aging mother, and I constantly feel guilty about not having enough time for her. I worry about how I will manage her care while already feeling drained by my current responsibilities across various roles.

Being a good role model for my wonderful six-year-old neurotypical daughter and my three-year-old nonverbal neurodivergent son with Autism is incredibly important to me. I strive to be fully present for them while also being a committed and devoted employee in my human services career. There are also societal expectations about maintaining a certain appearance.

On top of this, I am responsible for providing healthy, home-cooked meals for my children, exercising sound clinical judgment in my professional decisions, and also prioritizing my own health and well-being.

And let’s not forget the crucial aspect of nurturing our important relationships. It often feels like there’s just enough time in the day for everything *except* what truly matters.

Metaphorically, and sometimes physically, I feel completely worn down. My body aches, and yet, it feels unacceptable to express this exhaustion or the anxiety that comes with trying to manage so many responsibilities perfectly. Complaining feels selfish and shameful, especially when others seem to be in similar or even more challenging situations. The narrative often suggests that those with a seemingly “ideal life” should not feel this way.

It’s as if there’s an unspoken rule: don’t reveal these struggles. People might think you’re overwhelmed or unable to cope. Instead, the pressure is to “fake it till you make it,” perhaps finding unhealthy escapes rather than seeking genuine solutions or support.

So, what can be done? How can we address these systemic challenges? Is anyone else feeling this way?

The common refrain of “hang in there” often doesn’t feel like enough.

With love, gratitude, and hope.

Liz C.